This first segment was written December 18th, 2014.
“There are a fair amount of things we cannot change in life. A fair amount of things we have to accept and do with the best we can. Even the littlest things, the smallest things that don’t go right, can throw off an entire plan.
I went to Dallas this past week to visit my wonderful big sister. We were both so excited for me to come up. We had so many plans and no matter what they were going to happen. No matter what.
Sister and I have had a fairly reoccurring history of travel disasters, and I was trying my absolute damnedest to make sure those did not happen. Everything was fine! I got through the airport fine both ways (which at the time was miraculous for us), and all was well. Until my tonsils became the size of golf balls and I was “presumed” with strep throat. I felt pretty darn miserable. Lousy, actually. I could only afford to swallow soup. Even then, that hurt. THEN early Wednesday morning, I threw up for two hours straight and caused her to be awake for a full two hours earlier than her already early call time for work. Disaster found us, and was very much upon us.
But somehow, it happened, and it passed. We still did all of the things we planned to do, and we still had so much fun doing them. She took care of me, I cleaned the apartment, we moved on and had a great time together. Done and done.
On my last night there, we watched “The Vow.” If you’re someone who knows me, you know I hate that movie. It is miserable to watch. However, in the movie, they get in a car accident and she loses her most recent five years of memory. She loses all memories of her husband and current life. Gone. Disappeared into thin air.
They tried to make it work. They wanted to make it work. And in the end, it did. Just a year or so later, on different circumstances, and she still with no recollection of her life before.
I said to Megan, “gosh that sucks. To have to accept that there’s a whole portion of your life that you just have to accept is not there anymore and move on.”
And she replied, simply, “yeah… but it’s kind of sweet.”
And maybe that’s all it took to realize the unexpected things in life, the ones that throw us off our track, make things disastrous and miserable for the time being, turn up to be the sweetest ones in the end. It may have never been in our plan, but maybe it was in someone else’s. And maybe that’s what makes it sweet. The things we don’t plan make us who we are. It builds character and gives a little spark to life.”
I wrote that a year ago tomorrow in the airport whenever I was flying home. I just recently found it on my phone, and maybe at the right time. I’ve been thinking a lot about change and the unexpected things in life. The sweet little nothing’s that throw life off balance. How beautiful it is to embrace that.
There are highs and lows in life. Sometimes during our lows, nothing changes. We have average days, average nights, we have a routine and we’re okay with it. Then sometimes we have highs where everything is changing. Every day is different, every night the winds change again. Our routine has been messed up, in turn, making that our new routine. Make sense?
Change is always happening. Whether it’s slow or quick, right or wrong. But whatever it may be, whether it be a boy miserably broke your heart, finishing college, moving home, starting a new job, or maybe all four at the exact same time, change fits into our lives whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it is just downright miserable to try to cope with. However, sometimes it’s nice to sit back and watch the world happen for us. The more we resist change, the less we’re allowing ourselves to learn, the less we’re allowing ourselves to grow.
So rather than fighting change, fighting the temptation to try to control every aspect of our human existence, why don’t we just embrace it? Embrace the beautiful mess life is giving us. We are being given a chance to turn a new page rather than being stuck on the same one. And that my friends, is how our books get written.
I wrote all of this, the combination of the two blogs, earlier this week whenever I truly believed everything that I wrote. I guess I’m in one of those high times where every day is different, and now I’m having trouble fully embracing the words written above. I want to resist what’s happening in my life because I saw it as being something different. Because of this, I was going to wait to post this blog. However, now I realize because of this, I needed to post it. I now have you, whoever you are, as my witness, to help me enforce this mindset. “People need other people” to help each other through the highs and lows of life, and it’s always ok to say that.
So maybe you disagree, maybe it doesn’t make sense to you at all. I may even be wrong about all of it, but it’s just my view on it.
“… I realized that I was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they couldn’t all day long but that never works.”
-Sarah Ockler, Fixing Delilah